Girlie Wisdom - from a friend

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.


3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

Some Goals

I want to be 105 pounds....currently Im 119...I can do it, just 14 pounds really... :) Totally doable...however 105 puts me at a BMI of 16.5...something Im sure my family will notice and put the brakes on....Im going to find a way of reaching it though....but at the same time I know 105 wont be enough, that ultimately I want to be 89 pounds, a BMI of 13.9....There is just something soothing about that number, 13 is my lucky number, and 89 sounds smooth.

I want to finish this last year at college, with fantastic grades...I want a job, and a vehicle of my own (jeep liberty). 

I want inner strength, and inner peace. I want BONES.

I just want to be happy.

I want patience, control, and power.

I want to be desired, loved and needed.

I want to be SKINNY.

I want to be the girl everyone else is envious of, the girl all the guys want and all the girls want to look like, the one who can buy the size 0 jeans and look fab in them.

Just Bloggin'

Firstly, I want to make sure all my friends know just how much I appreciate and love and adore each and every one of them, a lot has gone on lately and if it weren't for each and every one of you I would have been a complete broken mess...so THANK YOU! :)

Secondly, to those people who are constant negativity in my life, move on, youre not worth it, seriously, because you are not going to bring me down...

And thirdly, I love clean bedding :) haha, it makes the whole room smell lovely and its just heavenly to go to bed :) haha AND I also love Big Brother :)...

Day 6 - Noon

So Im sitting at the kitchen table with my mom...she's eating chinese food and salad, as if the salad is going to counteract the billion calories in the greasy chinese...BAH, Im having diet Dr. Pepper for lunch :)...however, and Im aware this is completely irrational, Im worried Im going to absorb the calories in her food...gah, it smells good...but I will NOT eat it, actually I dont even feel like eating, which is good :)

Im just going to sit here through lunch, then go clean my room and sort out all my clothes :) YAY!

Day 6 STATS

Weight: 119.8

Tomorrow marks one week, which means time to measure....Im nervous...in six days Ive only lost 3.6 pounds...

Day Five- STAT update & other

Weight: 120.6 pounds
Thats a loss of 2.8 pounds in 5 days, well really 4 days, day 5 is just beginning. Im not overly please, BUT any loss is better than nothing :)

Im not sure why I didn't blog yesterday, it wasn't a bad day, under 300 calories and lots of shopping :)....

Hoping today goes as good, and who wants to join me for a fast on Wednesday?

Now The Tears Come...

...along with more determination than I've had in a long time....

So Im assuming you read my "Letter To You"...yeah, second time in about a month that my life is changing so drastically...I've given up, I have completely lost faith and hope and perseverance. I am giving in completely to my eating disorder. I just want to waste away.

Nobody will ever truly love me, its just not going to happen, Im never going to have a family, a husband, a job, a house, none of it. Its just not going to happen and I was stupid for believing it would.

Ive just never been liked, I dont know what it is, Im not feeling sorry for myself here, just being honest. Maybe people can see just how fucked up I am so they avoid me? I dont really have any "real" friends, Ive never had a "real" boyfriend and eventually everybody I care about leaves. Either I hurt them or they hurt me.

Im learning to accept that nothing is going to work out, that Im not going to have the things Ive wanted for so long.

Now all I want is to waste away, thats all I want <3